Day 0 - Journal of H-19 - This pandemic needs a voice

This is a true (ish) comedy blog (hopefully) account from when this whole shit show pandemic began. This has affected anyone and everyone except maybe that heartless wench Katie Hopkins..

Welcome one and all, hopefully you'll enjoy my blog and if you don't so fuck. This has been setup having recorded this entire shit show from the perspective of an ordinary bloke going about his business in downtown wherever. Its personal, its been hard work and it's tongue in cheek but now it's time to share a bit like a prostitute with a bad case of chlamydia..

It began as a bit of a joke and then things seemed to get serious around the 15th of March. We were all laughing at the Italians with their now free premium Pornhub subscription and it wasn’t serious… and then it was.

The Introduction episode

Just my luck having spent three months going to the gym getting in shape and now I’m confined to the house….anyway this is Journal H-19, that was a typo when naming the document but like most of the bullshit I scribe, does it really matter? Also in my mind it makes it seem more mysterious so it stays…also makes it look like my code name is H-19. It isn’t. I’m not some droid sent from the future or a fictitious name from some dystopian narrative dreamt up by Charlie Brooker of Black Mirror fame (highly recommended if you happen to be stuck in the house for a while. Dave Apocalypse rating 9 out of 10 something or others).

My name is Dave, I earn cash pissing about with computers for my paid job, rent a few houses as a friendly nice landlord (true story), part time football coach and a full time high end gigolo. Mainly in charge of fun and the bins at my castle, although sometimes I do forget the bins. No idea how this is going to go, whether boredom will prevail or if I have the necessary discipline to complete this journal to its natural conclusion through this unusual situation.

An ordinary bloke with 2.4 children and a dog that gets right on my tit ends. Please note this journal will contain liberal use of swearing, will contain rude stories and references that may at some point stray away from politically correctness. I’m not a racist or a misogynist so you’re fine from that point of view.

This is my story / inane scribbling’s - I leave the decision on which up to you - this pandemic may take some time so please don’t be impatient with me - and let’s be honest here, you’ve got fuck all else to do….just to be clear this account doesn’t have much in common with the diary of Anne Frank and let’s hope it’s an alternate conclusion for the author.

** All opinions are my own and all names have been changed to protect the guilty and moronic.

*** Contains liberal use of the word c**t also may contain nuts and other allergens.

**** This is tongue in cheek and a bit fun except when it isn’t, no offence is intended except when it is.

#Pandemic #Apocalypse #Comedy #DaveApocalypse