Day 9 - Mon 23rd Mar - Act FAST

Top of the pops, farewell hot tub, top flight time machine, nonce pizza and inappropriate stroke advice.

Hello you happy readers my wife (known for the rest of this journal as Mrs Ap.) has gone into all out panic! Think a 1970’s Top of Pops presenter in 2010 when a police officer wraps on the door. On the plus side my elbow skills are now at Jedi level, light switches, taps, door handles nothing is beyond my ability to manipulate using my arm joints – boom mother fucker!

The sex bath..

Today’s random updates, been for a 5K run and made it in 31:25 which is a bit of a pisser, really hoping to get under 30 minutes soon. The dog continues to act like a complete twat and is constantly whinging, without doubt this is the highest maintenance K9 to have ever wandered the planet.

Finally the hot tub has been migrated to its new home! This was another random purchase from about a decade ago, there was choice to be made between getting a reasonable car or alternatively purchasing the tub. This was no choice at all, we loved having an expensive sex bath in the garden but it’s time had come. The electricity hog had barely been used for the last two years other than by a stoner choosing this location to watch Netflix, best get rid before we have a Whitney Houston situation.

We are now pretty much on lock down from 20:30 this evening, thanks to Boris who for some reason moved his national address later than the usual slot. Suspicion is he needed a big poo or something.

Been a heavy consumer of Top Flight Time Machine recently which is a fantastic way to pass time on walks however laughing out loud does ensure quizzical looks from strangers. The description of the podcast in no way matches its content, similar to Jimmy Saville is no longer renowned as a children’s entertainer. As a TFTM recommendation start with the first Keane Odyssey its fucking class and I challenge anyone not to find it funny.

Suspicious mobile pizza van..

To celebrate our impending incarceration we ordered a stone baked pizza from the mobile Italian open pie van that hangs around at the end of the park, like some sort of nonce. Only £10 and a picture of my kids in the bath for two pizza’s, they looked pretty drab but turned out to be a taste sensation as well as a thing of beauty. That’s the pizzas and not the kids.

Had an interesting conversation around FAST (stroke advice) on WhatsApp with Minty tonight, which ended with this completely in inappropriate advice…Blijf veilige mensen!

#Pandemic #ActFAST #NoncePizza #DaveApocalypse